OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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