This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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