Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
