I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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