new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
