you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
