going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
