She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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