I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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