K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
