Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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