it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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