Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
