It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
