How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
