On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
