I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
