belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We had sex on a dog bed..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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