my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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