My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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