We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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