It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
