I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You pole danced in your parka.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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