dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
