I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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