Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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