Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
