On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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