so explain again why im purple
no
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
