so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
