Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
