Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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