I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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