We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The Olympian is in my bed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
