but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
