Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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