"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
