I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
