Got a toothbrush?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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