I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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