the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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