dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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