If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
