You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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