I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
