I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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