And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
