I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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