24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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