The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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